Yesterday was my birthday. It was a pretty good day, as far as birthdays go. There was, however, one thing to which I was looking forward: SAAB’s Karaoke Night, which was supposed to take place in Uptown. Unfortunately, somehow, Uptown got double-booked. SAAB has had the place reserved for at least two months, and the manager was going to turn the place over to us; unfortunately, the other group meeting in Uptown was a feminist group. By “feminist”, of course, I mean a man-hating group that almost had three of the SAAB officers forcibly removed by Public Safety when they were (politely) discussing the issue with the manager. The “feminists” (using the term loosely) got on the phone with someone and had that person tell the manager to give them the venue, an order with which the manager complied because the feminists threatened to use their tae kwon do defense moves on him and the SAAB officers (no joke—I can’t make this stuff up). Once the issue was “settled”—and by “settled” I of course mean that the feminists won—they kicked the manager out of his own establishment—because he is a guy, after all, and the only reason guys are on this earth is to intimidate girls (and again, I’m not making this up— the leader of the group threatened to call Public Safety on the SAAB officers and the manager because they were “intimidating women”).

The cherry on top of all this is that the feminist group could have, of course, met just about anywhere on campus; SAAB, on the other hand, needed some sort of stage. Well, we—three of the SAAB officers, the manager, and I—ended up sitting outside of Uptown for a while, playing guitar, until we went back to our respective rooms. There I retrieved a Party Popper (a tube filled with confetti and streamers) from my room, and unleashed a hurricane of birthday joy on my friend Michael Ong’s room (much to his dismay). So in the end, the birthday celebration was grand anyway…but I was definitely looking forward to having Michael Ong sing “Happy Birthday” to me. Damn fun-crushing feminists.