A few nights ago, I realized I had some last-minute Christmas shopping to do, so I headed down to the mall to look for some gifts. I decided to pop into FYE to see if I could find any DVDs for my brother. While browsing the television anthologies, I walked by a tall, crew-cutted young man in a navy blue sweater, complete with epaulets, carrying a white officer’s cap. I nodded, he nodded; I thought the exchange was over. Instead, he asked me what I was up to that night.

“Oh, doing some last minute Christmas shopping,” I replied. “You?”

The same, he replied. I looked at him quizically; had I gone to high school with him? Nah, I thought; I don’t forget faces.

We probably had a few more words, the sort of small talk I can’t quite remember, and then he finally got down to businesss. “I’ve been telling people all about the Marines lately,” he said. “Have you ever thought about joining?”

Uh-oh, I thought, here it comes: the sales pitch. Any male between the ages of 18 and 25 has probably been pestered by each and every branch of the armed services more times than he can count in the past few years. I’ve even gotten recruitment requests from the Coast Guard.

Better nip this in the bud, I thought. “No, not really,” I said.

“Oh? Well, what’ve you been up to since you’ve graduated from high school?”

I had to give him props for realizing I was a college student. Some people look at my 5′2″ stature and automatically assume I’m 12. “Well, I’m in college now—a senior.” I made sure to emphasize the fact that I was a senior.

“What are you planning to do after you graduate?”

What am I planning to do after I graduate? Well, the truth is, I don’t know. Grad school is definitely on the table, but I’ve also become re-enamored with web applications development, especially given all the latest buzz in the field. But I couldn’t tell him that I don’t know, or else he’d expect me to join the Marines. So I said, “I’m planning to go to William and Mary to get a master’s degree.”

Naturally he wanted to know in what field.

This is a dicey issue, for a number of reasons. First of all, the guy’s a Marine. This means he technically works for the Defense Department—and the Defense Department loves computer scientists. I know this because I’m currently looking for a job for damn near anyone but the Defense Department or a defense contractor, and that criteria makes it somewhat hard for a computer scientist to find a reputable job on the east coast.

But more importantly, this guy is a person, and when people hear “computer science student”, they immediately have one of two responses: they either ask me to fix their computer, or remark on how smart I must be.

This guy took the latter option. I humbly accepted his praise but remarked to him that computer science, like anything else, only requires a lot of hard work and dedication.

Luckily, my overall scheme worked. The Marine recruiter realized that a 22-year-old who is one semester away from a bachelor’s degree, and planning postgraduate study, has no interest or motivation to die in the sands of Iraq. He and I exchanged a bit more small talk and then he bid me good day. As I moved towards the exit, I heard him cornering some other unsuspecting sap.

As I slipped silently out of FYE, I wondered: Are the US Marines—perhaps the world’s largest collection of pure killing machines—so hard up for recruits that they not only wander around a mall to recruit people, but have to turn to individuals who are 5′2″ and 110 pounds on a good day?

No wonder we’re losing not winning the war in Iraq.